I feel like a grown-up. Today I moved everything out of my first apartment into my first storage unit, using my first u-haul :) I'm sore and completely exhausted, but I'm thrilled at the thought of this next apartment, spending my senior year with 2 girls that I absolutely adore!

Speaking of senior year...wow, it's coming fast! I'm trying to block out the fact that a year from now, I'll be looking for a "real job" as a high school English teacher. Doubts assault me as I draw closer to life as a full-fledged adult. I'm starting to wonder if I should really be in a position to teach these kids the skills they'll need to succeed. I still feel too young, too inexperienced, too inadequate. As the baby of the family, I suffer from youngest-child-syndrome. No matter how old I get (OK, so 20 isn't exactly ancient, but I'm not 5 anymore), I always feel slightly insecure about what I'm able to accomplish. In my mind, I'm still the baby, still the one that needs to prove herself, and still the one who will forever be looked down upon in the very loving and non-judgmental way that only family members can get away with. I hear from my family all the time, "I can't believer you're old enough to...[fill in the blank]." It's a perfectly legitimate statement. I can't believe it myself. It seems like yesterday that I was trying to decide what college I should apply to, and now I'm on the brink of completing my bachelors degree. Where does the time go? And where's all of that experience that I'm supposed to get from going to "the best teaching school in the southeast" ?

I started writing this post a couple of days ago when I was in the Charlotte airport awaiting my flight to Indiana, and I have since spent the day volunteering in Heather's class of 4th and 5th grade students. It inspired me to see the community she had created for these kids, most of whom probably never see as much stability in their own families. That short visit helped me to see that 1) I KNOW that I was not meant to teach elementary school and 2) the lofty dreams and aspirations I have had of inspiring, encouraging, and supporting kids to be life-long learners really is possible. Once upon a time, I could say with steadfast assurance that this is the career I was made for and that I was completely confident in my ability to do my job well. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm beginning to realize that I can accomplish absolutely nothing of any significance on my own. Only Jesus moving in and through me can make purpose or meaning out of my pathetic attempts to influence, inspire, or cause change. In my greatest times of doubts, I've been pushed into the arms of the Father. That is where I will find peace, strength, and purpose to do whatever job He sees fit to give me.