If Only I Could Go Back...

For whatever reason--possibly the overwhelming boredom that comes from completely yet another ridiculously stressful semester--I've found myself thinking about my week in Paris, desperately wishing that I could return. I'm not looking for a follow-up trip to do everything that we couldn't manage to squeeze in while we were there. I don't want to go by myself, with family, close friends, or with a different group of people. I want to recreate my very first Paris experience. While I was actually there, I was completely exhausted. My body didn't know how to handle the time change or the sudden (and dramatic) increase in activity, and it didn't respond very well. Every night, I would limp back to the hotel room and fall into bed dreading the wake-up call we would be receiving at 6:45 the next morning. Of course I was mildly excited by the prospects of seeing the Louvre or going to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but I was not physically able to handle everything that we did on any given day. Needless to day, the experiences that should have been overwhelming and powerful were slightly dampened by my exhaustion. Even so, after everything that has happened in the past 2 months, I look back on my time in Paris as an escape from the reality I didn't know I was about to face. I know that sounds horribly dramatic, but seriously...I thought that taking a "10-minute-walk" (in European time, that is...you just had to be there) through the city was so terribly taxing, and I couldn't wait to be once again surrounded by the familiar calm of my little life in Rock Hill, SC. Oh, what I didn't know then! I had no clue that not only my comfort level but my sanity was headed for a downward spiral as soon as that plane touched down in Charlotte. I did not truly know exhaustion until I was simultaneously trying to finish out my toughest semester yet and hold myself together through 1 or 2 personal crises. So yes, I have found myself longing for Paris more frequently in the past weeks.

I was looking through some of my pictures, and when I came across this one, I just had to stop and stare at it for a few minutes. Of everything we saw and experienced--Versailles, the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the museums, the street performers, the opera houses, the designer shops on every corner, even Hemingway's cafe--this one night has to be my favorite. I believe that this photo was taken on the same night that we had gone to the Eiffel Tower as a group. By the time we got back to the Bastille where our hotel was, it was probably 10 PM, and Nicole and I were desperately seeking food. The four of us ended up at this little cafe where they so graciously provided us with English menus and tried to hide their astonishment that we would have the dinner and dessert course (fruit salad) brought out at the same time. This is where Ethan and Nicole tried escargot, although I was not nearly that brave, and where Allie and Ethan got into quite the philosophical and spiritual debate while Nicole and I were probably talking about Disney movies, coffee, puppies, or something else of very little significance. We laughed until we cried and watched time unfold ever so slowly. We stayed until we noticed that the entire restaurant was literally closing around us. The chairs were put up on every other table, and our waitress was working hard cleaning circles around us, but she never once indicated that we needed to leave. I think we finally dragged ourselves away at about midnight, not wanting to end our evening.

It's so hard for me to explain why this particular night meant so much to me, why this one picture stands out above the hundreds of others I took. Perhaps it has something to do with the realization that my decision to go to Paris with a group of people who were practically strangers was probably one of the best decisions I have made yet. I had no idea what I was missing out on by keeping myself so distant from anything that may be uncomfortable. I didn't know that I had the social capacity to make friends so quickly or enjoy myself so thoroughly. For the most part, I'm one who typically sticks pretty close to home, but thank God I ventured out this once. I honestly cannot imagine what life would be like now without the friendships that were formed on that trip. God only knows that I desperately needed them to get me through the next weeks post-Paris. So as completely desperate as I feel right now to go set up camp in that little cafe and stay for the next few months, I'm looking forward to the next adventure, whatever that may be...perhaps my upcoming stay in Indiana for the summer. God does seem to have a way of working incredible good out of chaotic or less than comfortable situations.