The Remedy

During an extremely late-night conversation with Allie the other night, she offered the best explanation of apathy that I have ever heard: Apathy is simply "not enough God." Really?! It's that simple? Here I've been thinking that I'm plagued by some rare and incurable disease, when really I'm just running low on the fuel on which my spirit was made to run.

Yes, a wonderfully simple explanation, but the remedy seems to be a bit more complicated. If I know that all I really need is some more quality time with Jesus to bring me out of this place, then why can I not seem to make it a priority, especially with all of this free time on my hands? See, that's the thing about apathy...it seems to fill our shoes with lead, keeping us from taking even the smallest of baby steps that would lead us back to the Father. It clouds our vision and causes our spirits to sleep. It whispers lies to our souls that scare us into a passive state of being, convincing us that to make any effort to become more like Christ and draw near to Him will be rejected, and we will be deemed spiritual failures. So we sit, indifferent to God's movement, presence, plans, and love. If left untreated, this indifference eventually hardens us, breeding bitterness that spreads like poison, arresting our hearts and altering the very foundation of our existence--the knowledge of God's love and our dire need for Him.

Can you tell that I'm becoming pretty familiar with how this works? I'm thankful that, at this point, I have not yet reached that place of bitterness and resentment. Am I actively pursuing God? Up until this moment, I was not.

Hebrews 12:1, a verse that most of us can probably quote backwards and forwards, tells us to "strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up" (NLT). Remember the lead in our shoes that keeps us from moving? We're supposed to GET RID OF IT, not just wait for it to disappear and then complain about how God doesn't "feel close" when we still have not taken any steps towards Him. This requires a conscious decision on our part. While our minds may understand that this needs to happen, I don't believe that our hearts settle on this option automatically, hence its difficulty to carry out.

"...especially the sin that so easily trips us up."
I've always assumed that sin=[obvious] wrong or immoral actions (lying, stealing, lust, etc.), but here's what clicked in my head just the other day. Psalm 138:6 says that God "keeps His distance from the proud." What is apathy if not pride? By remaining passive and choosing to not seek after God, we are essentially saying that we have no true need for Him, and even if we do, He better come to us.

Wow. How differently I see myself and my past struggles now. So what's the remedy to this all together destructive cycle that so easily entangles us? I think it all boils down to choices. In my everyday life, I don't make all of my decisions based upon my feelings. I go to class even when I'm exhausted because I have obligations. I choose to work extra hours because it helps others, not because I feel like getting home a few hours later than planned. Why would I think that my decisions regarding my spiritual relationship should be any different? I do not always feel like I love God or like He loves me, nor do I always feel like my efforts to seek after Him will really bring me any closer to knowing God's true heart. I become trapped by the weight of my emotions (or lack thereof), and I remain still, never daring to take a step toward Him. This is where our choices come in. God asks us to "choose this day whom [we] will serve." Today and every day hereafter, I choose Him...even when I don't feel like it's the best or safest option. In making that choice, I will confess my pride and acknowledge that I have an absolutely desperate need for His love and redemption, an unquenchable thirst that can only be satisfied by His presence in my life.

This is a process, and I can tell you right now that I won't get this right the first time. Do me a favor, and check in on me now and then...ask me how I'm doing. A little accountability can go a long way :)