I mentioned in my last post that it was time for me to make a conscious decision about how I react to adverse circumstances. In the past weeks, I have been learning the importance of praising God in everything and how that praise breeds joy. Unlike the emotion of happiness, joy runs deeper, sustaining us, filling us up from the inside out. I have made a point to choose to be joyful and praise Jesus in every circumstance. What I didn't think about, though, is the reality of that choice. When we commit to acting a certain way, we often find ourselves presented with opportunities to do what we promised...a test of our commitment, so to speak. And yet, we willingly face the danger of adversity, knowing that through our testing, we will be refined.
For me, that happened to be a very unnecessary car accident on Eden Terrace Rd. this evening. I don't need to go into all of the boring details--the other driver was at fault; no one was injured; and I am without a drivable car at the moment. The timing of this incident was slightly inconvenient and ironic, 1) because I was on my way to take a final exam, which I have now had to reschedule and 2) because almost exactly 2 years ago, I was in a similar situation where a limo rear-ended me and totaled my car. As annoying and stressful as it all seems, I can see that this is my chance...my real-life opportunity to truly be joyful in all things. I'm completely and totally exhausted, but with what little energy is left in me, I'm thanking God for whatever it is He will do through these circumstances.
Psalm 105:1-5
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Turning Up the Volume
I have been saying for years that I need to start a blog, but each time I sat down to write, I would stare at the blank screen, paralyzed by the fear of not having anything profoundly significant to say. I have learned recently, however, that our lives were never meant to be lived in silence. Our bodies, hearts, and minds were not created to “do life” on our own. And yet, so many of us sit quietly, holding back our joys and struggles for the fear that they will mean nothing to those who dare listen. Sometimes I find myself wondering what could happen if only we shared our hearts, telling the stories that God gave us to tell.
With that in mind, I’m going to tell you a story. For this one moment, I’m going to share some of my vulnerability and forget about who might read this post, what people might think if I don’t carefully conceal what resides in my heart. I realize that this is a dangerous move on my part. After all, you could misunderstand my honesty for a melodramatic grab for attention. You could wind up seeing more of my heart that I originally intended, but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that our stories MUST be shared.
The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful I have ever endured. The combination of my chaotic school schedule and my recent change in relationship status has landed me in a place of complete and total helplessness. So many times over the past week, I found myself staring at my computer screen, knowing that I desperately needed to be completing endless papers and assignments but not knowing how to handle everything that life had been throwing at me. Last week I sat in a dark corner of the library and was confronted with the overwhelming realization that there was no possible way that I could handle all of this on my own. I have never felt the pressures of stress and defeat weigh on me so heavily. In those terribly discouraging moments, though, I did the only thing I knew to do—I begged Jesus for strength, pleaded with Him to hold me up, heal me, and make me new. Honestly, I don’t think I actually expected Him to answer such a prayer. As a very dear friend of mine would say, “Just another case where one’s emotions are not the Truth.”
No, my emotions revealed only brokenness and complete and utter exhaustion, but Jesus has been working on my heart like never before, picking up all of those broken pieces and creating something beautiful, something fit for His glory. I have found a joy and contentment in Him that I didn’t know was possible. I have learned the importance of praising Him in ALL things, in all circumstances, and through all emotions—good and bad. God promises us overwhelming victory through Jesus; those words have never been more real, more alive to me than they are right at this moment.
I can no longer keep quiet about what Jesus has done and what He continues to do. I will listen to the words of the psalmist and shout with joy to the Lord, worship Him with gladness, and come before Him, singing with JOY (Psalm 100).
As of right now, I’m turning up the volume like I never have before.
With that in mind, I’m going to tell you a story. For this one moment, I’m going to share some of my vulnerability and forget about who might read this post, what people might think if I don’t carefully conceal what resides in my heart. I realize that this is a dangerous move on my part. After all, you could misunderstand my honesty for a melodramatic grab for attention. You could wind up seeing more of my heart that I originally intended, but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that our stories MUST be shared.
The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful I have ever endured. The combination of my chaotic school schedule and my recent change in relationship status has landed me in a place of complete and total helplessness. So many times over the past week, I found myself staring at my computer screen, knowing that I desperately needed to be completing endless papers and assignments but not knowing how to handle everything that life had been throwing at me. Last week I sat in a dark corner of the library and was confronted with the overwhelming realization that there was no possible way that I could handle all of this on my own. I have never felt the pressures of stress and defeat weigh on me so heavily. In those terribly discouraging moments, though, I did the only thing I knew to do—I begged Jesus for strength, pleaded with Him to hold me up, heal me, and make me new. Honestly, I don’t think I actually expected Him to answer such a prayer. As a very dear friend of mine would say, “Just another case where one’s emotions are not the Truth.”
No, my emotions revealed only brokenness and complete and utter exhaustion, but Jesus has been working on my heart like never before, picking up all of those broken pieces and creating something beautiful, something fit for His glory. I have found a joy and contentment in Him that I didn’t know was possible. I have learned the importance of praising Him in ALL things, in all circumstances, and through all emotions—good and bad. God promises us overwhelming victory through Jesus; those words have never been more real, more alive to me than they are right at this moment.
I can no longer keep quiet about what Jesus has done and what He continues to do. I will listen to the words of the psalmist and shout with joy to the Lord, worship Him with gladness, and come before Him, singing with JOY (Psalm 100).
As of right now, I’m turning up the volume like I never have before.
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