I was flipping through one of my notebooks that is a mishmash of grocery lists, lesson plans, and random journal entries and I came across something I wrote as last semester was coming to an end and I was desperately trying to muster up some strength and motivation to start all over again...
Too many thoughts and feelings are coursing through my mind right now. I am struggling to find a purpose, some sense of reason that explains why I am attempting what seems to be an impossible task.
I go back and forth between these three overarching thoughts:
"It's the kids I teach and their lack of interest that make this whole thing pointless."
"It's the logistics of it all--rules, policies, etc.--that make it impossible to accomplish anything of any real value."
"I just don't know what I'm doing. Somewhere along the line, I chose the wrong profession."
Such negativity, such hopelessness and cynicism...and yet, they share equal space in my brain. As soon as I work hard to defeat one of these life-draining, motivation-sucking statements, another one looms, eager to take its rightful place at the forefront of my mind. It sometimes makes me wonder, what right do I have to progress, impact, victories, lasting change? The whole world has been hemming and hawing about the failures of public education for decades; why should I think that I can "defeat the system"?
So maybe I can't inspire a revolution in the education world. What if I never have that "breakthrough moment" with a class (scenes from Freedom Writers are coming to mind)? What if the only thing that ever goes right is one kid opening themselves up to "the light" so to speak...learning responsibility, discovering a book they love, writing a poem they are proud of...
One student.
Is it worth it?
