Confessions

After reading a facebook survey titled, "Your Literary Biography" with questions about all of the wonderful works of literature that I should have read by now, I feel that it's time to confess that I am not the English major that I should be. Don't judge.

1) My favorite books are those Dr. Bickford has affectionately deemed "Beach Reads."
2) I hardly ever read non-fiction
3) I can count on 1 hand all the times that I have actually read a novel from beginning to end for a class without the help of sparknotes.
4) I very rarely sit and read literature on my own time without the prompting of a class assignment.
5) I prefer the writing side of my major, although I don't think I could write fiction no matter how hard I tried.
6) I have never read Huck Finn, The Scarlet Letter, Pride and Prejudice, Of Mice and Men, Lord of the Flies, or numerous others that I really should have read by now.
7) Every once in a while, I get the urge to start explicating poetry, but I am completely paralyzed whenever this occurs in a class setting...too many fears of "getting it wrong."
8) I used to love literature before I became an English major...I prefer to look at lit. in terms of of how it affects real people's lives rather than what literary approach we can use to analyze it.
9) I would rather diagram a sentence than read a good novel...I'm totally serious.
10) I am the most literal reader alive...God help the students who will be learning about symbolism from me.

OK, seriously now...there have been too many times this semester when I would look around at my fellow English majors and feel ridiculously inadequate compared to their love of literature and their ability to make meaning out of the most minuscule details. I don't know how often I questioned my place in those classrooms, but I know that I this past semester has definitely been a time of doubt for me. And then I think about being in the high school classroom, surrounded by teenagers who don't care about school, don't care about reading or writing, who think that we (teachers) could care less about who they really are or what they want out of life, and it THRILLS me to think of sweeping in and defying all of their expectations. Do I think that this will come easily? Absolutely not! But there's almost nothing in the world worth more than seeing the light bulb come on in the eyes of a 15-year-old boy who has never before seen how literature can be relevant to our present-day struggles or a 17-year-old girl who has just discovered how to express her heart through writing. I can't imagine a greater satisfaction than that of knowing that I have helped to shape minds, encouraging them, guiding them, and challenging them to look beyond themselves and move through life serving others.

That's what I'm here for. I'm not spending my days here at Winthrop learning how to analyze literature effectively. My time in these classes is merely a stepping stone, preparing me to enter into the classroom and provide kids with the compassion, validation, and tough love that they so desperately need. For now, I will forget about the fact that I will most likely be mistaken for one of the students...or that I daily struggle with my own inadequacies as a student and person, fearing that I won't be able to do enough to make a difference in the lives of these kids. For now, I'll do all that I know how to do, and that is to trust in Jesus to fulfill the purpose that He has given me.